Hey Look, I learned Jazz Aerobics! part 1

After careful consideration, I have decided to compete on America's BEST Dance Crew. Clay, Kevin, and I have put together this sick video that drops it like it's hot, runs it under cold water, then sticks it in the microwave and makes it hot again... and again and again. Thats right bitches, chiggity check our fresh moves as we groove to this funky jam. If you look close enough you can spot the revolution coming. Can't see it? Look closely-er. I'm expecting a call from Randy "Bassist of Journey" Jackson any moment.  Randy "The Kankle" Jackson had Gastric Bypass Surgery in 2003.  Apparently the surgeons left shitty TV show ideas  in place of fat. Which explains all the shows produced by Randy "The Hamburgler" Jackson. But in all seriousness, type 2 diabetes is no laughing matter.

P.S. Due to "technology" being a total whore I had to post the video down there, in the post below this one. See it? Cool. I'm gonna go practice. 

Hey Look, I learned Jazz Aerobics! part 2

 

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Atlantians are so nice!

The other day my roommate and I went up to Lenox Mall for a nice Saturday of shopping and lattes. It was super hot outside. The sweaty kind of hot. Apparently some nice man saw my roommate and I walking inside the mall all sweaty, because when we came back this note was on the windshield of the car.

Some friendly Atlantian named Kevin gave us this piece of paper to use as a fan, and then wanted to hang out sometime so he gave us his number. Thanks Kevin, I will deffinetly be giving you a call.

I am passion fruit

     

Passion is TOTALLY the best emotion. But Passion Fruit is something so much more... Its not so much sweet as it is tan, chiseled biceps and calves the size of small cantaloupes (A jealous step brother of Passion Fruit). It's the number 1 chosen fruit of the explorers who first wooed amazonian warrior women. It's the kind of sweet that you hate to love to hate to lust for. In fact, it's not really sweet at all. But it hurts so good that once, nor thrice is ever enough. Beautiful, masculine, liquid, streamlined, robust Passion Fruit.  It's Passion with a capital "P" no matter how far away from the beginning of the sentence it lies. If this Passion were a color it would be transparent. That doesn't make sense? It does to Passion Fruit.

P A S S I O N... 

Careful, that Passion Fruit might get you pregnant, and then get your baby pregnant. It's called a double pregnancy and Passion Fruit is the only fruit that can make it happen. Because that's what Passion Fruit does... it gets you pregnant... doesn't matter if your a dude.

F R U I T...

Passion Fruit doesn't sweat, it perspires. It doesn't fart, it emits pheromones with extra moan, and it doesn't try, it just succeeds at everything it does... without trying. But no one is ever jealous. They just understand that thats what passion fruit does... it succeeds at everything... especially love making.

Thats why Passion Fruit is my power fruit.

Oh, and my power animal is an Alpaca.