Kid Rock was arrested right across the street from my house for getting in an "altercation!" How cool am I? Seriously, has Kid Rock ever been to the waffle house across the street from your place and picked a fight with someone? This single handedly gives me the right to tell this story every time I hear a Kid Rock song for the rest my life. 

That could have been me he picked a fight with, if I had lived here in October. It should have been me. Then Kid Rock would be famous for getting the crap kicked out of him by a 20 something piece of man. It probably would have launched my movie career,  what with my stunning looks and "bad boy" appeal. But that goes without saying. And I didn't just say it... Because I am the most modest fucking person in the world.